Self Awareness
Practical Aspects of an Integrated Life
I haven’t been posting. I know I am stating the obvious!
Instead, I have been working on integrating my life.
What does that mean?
Well, for starters, it means learning to live as a single mom to a toddler during the week while my hubby works out of town. We’re in the foster/adoption game, which is a whole integration nightmare in itself. I can’t speak to this situation yet due to privacy and legal issues, but more info will be forthcoming after the trial in July.
Integrating a new special being that walks and talks (more everyday) and keeps going when you say, “stop!” has been a big transition to say the least. I wouldn’t change it for the world, but it is quite a change for a thirty-something self-employed professional woman! My business has been put on hold while we worked on increasing attachment. Now, we are firmly attached and hubby is moving home in 8 days to parent with me! (He got a new job locally–yay!) My plan is to finish this summer the work I started before precious baby joined my life–my new emphasis in solely coaching children and the www.morethantutors.com directory due to launch at the end of August.
Also, I am going to write a bit more personally on this blog, interspersed with professional articles, while I wait for my colleagues to clear their schedules and join in the writing venture. Instead of having many separate blogs (this isn’t product promotion afterall…) which only makes life more complicated, MOST of it will happen here.
Other aspects of integration that are happening in my life involve the healing of my body and soul. More on all that later.
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Our Humanity can feel anxious, too.
One of my virtual mentors, David Wood, wrote the following in a recent newsletter:
The Personal Touch
In the last ‘Create’ issue I shared about my ‘bump’ in India. After having ‘turned the corner’ I had a resurgence of energy in the form of anxiety/fear. Boy – talk about an invitation from the universe to take a look at yourself and your way of being!
With this ‘super sensitivity’ over the past month, I’ve learned I can’t get away with many things that used to work before such as – multi-tasking, thinking about all the things to do later today, and rushing. I’m learning to listen to my body, and to take care of myself and be really nice to myself. Come up against a belief “I should be able to heal myself on my own”, resistance to using medication, an image I’ve been holding onto of a “strong, secure, fun, smart, independent, solid man”, and my judgments about people who use medication or experience depression or anxiety. OK – I’m experiencing more of humanity! 😉
I’ve gone deeper into meditation and yoga, hired a nutritional counselor (no sugar, including fruit, sweetish vegetables, and most things you buy in a supermarket!), a homeopath, a therapist – all good stuff to explore what’s coming up, being present, watching the mind, and caring for this body.
Oh, and – I’m usually having an awesome time. I’m doing great. This week things are much more than ever coming into balance and feeling smooth. Much love, authenticty, and learning.
The journey continues…
Love David
David Wood is a personal and business coach, past chair of the ICF Publicity Committee, and founder of a global coach training school.
Copyright 2001-2007 Life Coaching Resource.com
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It’s interesting how many of us feel the need to be able to do it “all” ourselves—basically
it comes down to expectations of perfection. (Whatever that means to each of us)
I resonate with the idea that I should be able to “heal myself” by doing all the right things,
and too, have found that I am not the all in all! I need help and support to have all
areas in life integrated. That’s why I have a coach, a mastermind group, a physical
trainer, a holistic AK chiropractor, etc.
I’m wondering if any of you feel the need to be super-human? Do you have great
compassion and lack of a judgmental attitude for everyone but yourself?
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Is Your Tank Full?
Did you ever have a teacher in High School make the class do the exercise “if so and so were and animal, flower or car what would they be?” I remember my classmates and I doing this once in 10th grade psychology class. My friend decided that I was a Mercedes convertible (I forgot which one exactly) classy, sporty and fun. It fit me. I loved convertibles especially in sunny southern
California. Of course my convertible was a sporty FIAT spider, which eventually broke down beyond repair. In part because it was a FIAT (fix it again Tony) and in part because I wasn’t the greatest with routine maintenance. Not horrible, mind you, my dad taught me the basics and I cajoled my male friends into changing my oil and other basic tasks. But I definitely pushed the limits, arriving to work on empty and such things. This is a common phenomenon among high school and college students. They call me to say they are running a “little late” for our appointment because they “just realized” they need to get gas. I smile every time remembering my own adventures running on fumes, putting the car in neutral down the winding hills, so I would make it to the station! Sometimes I think that angels must have pushed me along because I always “just” made it!
It’s not just teenagers that push the limits and run on fumes. Often we carry these adrenaline driven habits into adulthood just transferring the specific details. We might not ever run out of gas again in the car, but how many times do we run out of patience? Or energy? Kindness? Respect? When our reserves are low – our levels of back up emergency “funds” – it is very easy to lose out in living our ideal self, living out the person God made us to be. Maybe your basic physical needs are met. You have plenty of food, clothing and shelter, but your emotional account is empty from constant giving out and never refilling. I know that when I want to give someone “the bird” for cutting me off in traffic, that my emotional reserves are low! (Someone with “road rage” or anger management issues wouldn’t benefit from the above example.)
How do you keep your tanks full enough so that you can choose to respond to a situation, instead of simply reacting out of habit or desperation? What do we need in our lives so that we are free to choose?
One important element is making sure our needs are met and that our reserve tanks are full. One reason I hardly ever ran out of gas in the car I bought when I was 19 was because I knew I had a 2.2 gallon reserve tank. I drove and drove until the light flashed on. When that light flashed on I knew I had entered the “I better watch it” zone. Many times I used up me reserve tank within that .2 of the gallon, but I was intent on really pushing the limits counting on the accuracy of my readings of the mileage.
Not only do you need that reserve, you need an awareness of it, where you are within it, and the perspective to read it accurately. If you are used to reading the odometer in kilometers but are driving a car with mileage reading only, you will misjudge the distance. How many times have you said “I thought I had more “ (time, money, patience, whatever). We misjudge the reality of a situation when our perspective is out of whack.
What can throw our perspective out?
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Fatigue
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Hunger (low blood sugar)
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Unrealistic expectations
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Illness
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What we are ingesting mentally (movies, TV, books, radio and newspapers)
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Relationships
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Stress
The list continues. The important fact is to know what your triggers are, so that you prepare a “perspective intervention” for yourself! This isn’t as radical as it sounds. Actually a shift in perspective can happen in a moment.
Some things to experiment with:
· Call your “pick me up” person. This could be anyone that can talk you out of your craziness; your friend, mentor, coach.· Ask your friends how they shift their perspective and borrow or brainstorm techniques.· Go outside and walk around in nature; take time to notice the colors and sounds around you; get out of your head!· Off to the gym with you. Stop whining and get moving!
· Do some Brain Gym (www.braingym.org)
What do you do? LMK
MLH
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Winning the Inner Game teleseminar
Today we had our “Winning the Inner Game” teleseminar, presented by the Mediation Marketing Institute. I neglected to tell you all about this event and I apologize. Good news is that you can still sign up and receive the mp3 of the calls. And yes, it will be calls–plural–because we had some technical difficulties and will have two recordings. Also, we will be having the second part of our interactive teleseminar in January. More on that later. So click the above link to get signed up for this FREE resource and we will keep you posted.
One thing I really like about partnering with Kristina Haymes is that good mediators are very holistic and self aware. What she values as a mediator fits in with our quest here at Interplay to explore the mind/bocy/spirit connections. There is a lot of congruence with values and purpose. It has been delightful for me to interact with these fabulous people going out to mediate the world’s problems. Quite important work, imo. Thanks to all you mediators!
I haven’t posted much lately due to traveling and not wanting to be on the computer. I was jogging on the beach quite a bit though and this past week went hiking in the beautiful mountains while our dog, Rocco, romped around in the snow. So the computer just wasn’t calling me!
How is everyone else doing? Are the holidays a good time for your spirit or a difficult time?
Peace to you,
Michelle
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Road Rage and Peace-Making
Note: Recently I had the honor to be involved with a group of mediators going through their Jump Start Action coaching group through the Mediation Marketing Institute. The following article was sparked by one of our coaching sessions.
Thoughts on being a mediator in all areas of life;
AKA “Walking your Talk”
As we know, it takes certain gifts to be a mediator and peace-maker. Pursuing a peace ethic in all areas of life can be challenging. Yet, if you’re going to be operating out of integrity, then you must be diligent in pursing personal growth. Ah, this can be a bit “touchy-feely” for many high powered left-brain dominant professionals, but I think it is a valuable pursuit. After all, the ideal state of functioning includes whole brain integration, where you have easy access to your analytical skills and your creative emotional insights.
It’s all about having choices. When we are in reaction mode, we aren’t choosing. If you find yourself succumbing to “road rage” for example, as was mentioned in our call, then you really aren’t in a position to choose a different response. You are reacting in relation to your primitive reflexes, and possibly some emotional contagion (See Daniel Goleman’s new book Social Intelligence, for more on this topic). Unfortunately, all that cortisol—stress hormone—coursing through your system is not beneficial to your health.
So what do we need? We need to have inner resources at our disposal. When we are stocked up on our resources (like having a full gas tank), we have the ability to choose a response instead of merely reacting. Our inner resources relate to our BASIC physical and psychological/emotional NEEDS. Sometimes our primitive reflexes become ingrained as conditioned responses as adults and we wonder why in the world we “over-reacted” in a particular situation. It can be true that your resources are fully available to you, yet your “knee-jerk” reaction is more powerful. There are ways to re-set the baseline, so-to-speak, if this is what you discover in your own life. The work of Dr. David Mumm deals with this element quite effectively.
At this point, you might be wondering which resources are low in your life. Check the basics out: Food, sleep, health, etc. Oftentimes you simply need to pull back on the adrenaline lifestyle to re-stock. Many of us are addicted to adrenaline.. Once you’ve checked that your personal physical resources aren’t depleted then check your environmental resources.
- Are you surrounded by people that believe in what you are doing?
- Do you have enough support in your life?
- Do you have personal relationship tension with a significant person in your life?
- Are your time and energy drained by tasks better done by a support person?
- Are you energized and focused in your work space?
- Are you feeling strong emotions such as overwhelm or anxiety?
We see that there are many areas in our lives to explore in regards to having abundant resources. Pay attention to the signs. Notice your re-actions. After all, road-rage or any other such response shows we are running on empty somewhere in our lives.
Our resources or lack there of definitely signal to who we are being in that moment. We all desire consistency and integrity in who we are as professionals, but people like counselors, pastors, inspirational writers and mediators can especially become derailed in this area.
Here are some questions to consider as you continue to evolve into who you are becoming (Reminder: this process continues until we die—nobody “arrives” and that’s it!)
As Keith J. Cunningham states, “The question is not what to do, it is who do I want to be?”
- Who do I want to create?
- What do I want to create?
- Who do I need to be to accomplish this?
- What skills do I need?
- Who can hold me accountable to reach my goals?
- What commitment am I willing to make to myself to be this person?
- What impact will my actions have on other’s lives?
- What action can I take right now that will be for my highest good?
To Peace!
Michelle
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 2 so far )Coaching Corner: Waking Up
“Sara” doesn’t think she has anything to offer the world. She’s unable to identify her strengths and gifts. She’s asleep to her 17 year old self in so many ways. Waking up to who you are—who God made you to be—at your core it isn’t easy. We can’t just snap our fingers after saying “1, 2, 3 awake!” This isn’t a fairy tale we live in. But I wonder if we make it harder than we need to? Maybe sometimes, we could be like children in a fairy tale—open to wonder. Could this make it easier for us to wake up if we pretended we are children again to lock into that freshness of vision? Could we shed our skins of apathy, of nihilism, or despair? Can we even wake up without hope? Do we wake up to hope?
To wake up 1st we need to NOTICE we are asleep!
We walk around like zombies most of the time. Even if we are intellectually awake, we are not noticing what is going on in our bodies. We have blocked out the intelligence of our bodies. In the end, all this does is hurts us. Body centered movement such as yoga, tai-chi, pilates, and brain gym can help us wake up, but only if we want them to. As my sister summarized it, “using the body is like accessing the sub-conscious mind.” This powerful intervention, using the body to access subconscious and physiological dimensions in tandem with the conscious mind, is much faster than processes that only access part of the system. I have personally experienced this.
Of course, we can even be mindless and asleep during body-centered activities, not noticing what is happening. Since, we are thinking creatures it is important to connect the body intuition with the mind (an interesting site on physical/emotional intelligence, although I haven’t experienced their work first hand.) That’s one of the beauties of working with a program like Educational Kinesiology; it is an integrating process that wakes up the brain and body. I didn’t notice how much I wasn’t noticing until I took a Brain Gym 101 class (you can go to braingym.org for info on classes in your area). And waking up is really about learning—learning to notice and be aware.
We know how powerful movement is for learning. How do kids learn the first five years of their lives? Through movement, play and exploration. Obviously, this should not suddenly change with the entrance into kindergarten, but unfortunately with the recent push for “academic” kindergartens, children’s natural and most effective learning routine is stalled. Developmental psychologists and most educators understand the importance of movement to learning. It is developmentally appropriate as the saying goes. But movement shouldn’t stop with our childhood. Adults need to move to learn also.
Think back to college and all those essays you had to write. What worked when you had writer’s block for a big paper? What woke up your creativity? Movement! Professors recommended going for walk, jog or something to get the ideas flowing. And guess what? It actually worked. Now we know why! How dare we expect kids to sit through 6 hours of lecture a day with no time for movement and integration of the ideas being thrown at them? But, I digress…waking up is also a process of unfolding.
I think that after I started working with yoga and educational kinesiology, it awoke me to other areas of my life that were asleep. A friend, who is a spiritual director, turned me on to the enneagram as a tool for spiritual growth. I have always been into personality “types” and theories—not in the boxing you in way, but to understand people better and thus, relate to people more completely. These theories have something to teach all of us—even if it is just a tidbit. But, none of them were transforming for me—until the enneagram. Dealing with my unconscious motivators and what my “number” type is usually blind to has been most helpful. In fact, it has been a very hopeful waking up experience. At times, it was depressing looking at my blind spots, waking up to my weaknesses. But, for an optimistic “7” dealing with the nitty gritty is important to do. I would rather avoid the ugly parts. Waking up works though. Now that I am awake to certain things, I notice them and can work on changing. I have woken up to hope by way of the despair.
If you have ways that work for waking you up into the fullness and truth of life, email me (my first name AT TheLearningGround.com—this is for the autobots scrolling for emails…) or comment in this blog. I would love to hear and share your wisdom with others. MH
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 2 so far )My Mythology
When I was a little girl, I used to fantasize about “surviving” in my room, all alone. These ideas proliferated usually when I was mad at my parents and stubbornly would go into my “I don’t need ANYONE” mode. I had all the supplies I needed: books, music and imagination. My rations were in the closet—mini pecan rolls pilfered from my mother’s stash. My four poster bed became the “fort” to protect me from my enemies—usually my siblings. Could I survive here all by myself?
My independence and self-reliance began early. These are generally very positive characteristics; they can also become strangleholds. Sometime last year, my insightful sister told me, “Michelle, it sounds like your self-reliance has become a strong-hold in your life.” I wanted so much to not need anyone or anything “outside” of myself. My belief was that I should be able to handle whatever came my way. Our childhood mantra of “can’t isn’t in our vocabulary” spoken by encouraging parents somehow transformed into something else in my head. How did I twist the idea of not giving up to one that meant I shouldn’t need help?
One night as a teenager, I was walking on the beach with my tall hunky crush, who told me in all seriousness, “I am an island.”
“John Donne said, ‘No man is an island.’” I retorted with a scoff. Besides, I’m thinking, islands can’t kiss girls on moonlit beaches…My philosophy for everyone but me was that we needed each other.
Every society and culture has its mythology. But so does every person. These are the stories and sayings we repeat to ourselves until they become our reality. It takes brutal honesty and OUTSIDE perspective to get to the bottom of our self-mythology. Sometimes our imaginations protected our tender young psyches. Sometimes we used our stories to survive. We did the best we could at the time. We do the best we can now.
I’m keeping my determination, self-reliance and ability to receive from others. What is your mythology doing to block your life now?
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Thought Catchers
Thought Catchers
You’ve probably seen people hanging “dream catchers” from their rear view mirrors. Lately, I’ve been using my own twist on this Native American concept and using a “though catcher.”
Picture yourself, tired, overwhelmed, fighting the latest cold bug. Feeling great?
Your body is telling you that changes are needed, but if you mind decided to focus more on the current lack of the situation your body is probably going to cave. It will succumb to the cold and you inability will most likely increase. Have you had enough of this pep talk?
To stop the decline, get out your thought catcher. What does it look like to you? A big butterfly net? A trash can? Your mother-in-law? A spider web? Mine is a giant hand, lightening fast, that can hold a thought, crush it like a fly and send it away in the wind. No, I’m not generally a violent person, but I’m learning to be miracles with what does not nurture and encourage me!
Recently, feeling under the weather concerned noticing about finances and noticing all of the undone projects around my home, my thoughts were getting hasty. “You’ll never make it. What if he doesn’t get a job? You’re always fighting some health issue or another…” on and on. Except it didn’t go on and on. This time it was different. ONE thought came trying to create a pity party and I snuffed it out. Then I countered with an encouraging thought, talking to myself aloud. Things like you are surrounded by beauty.
God will take care of you!
You are gifted and talented!
You will make it!
Look at the progress you have made already!
You get the idea? Change your thoughts and you change your life. So create a thought catcher and get relentless.
You deserve it!
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Interplay 