Road Rage and Peace-Making

 Note: Recently I had the honor to be involved with a group of mediators going through their Jump Start Action coaching group through the Mediation Marketing Institute.  The following article was sparked by one of our coaching sessions.

Thoughts on being a mediator in all areas of life;

AKA “Walking your Talk”

As we know, it takes certain gifts to be a mediator and peace-maker.  Pursuing a peace ethic in all areas of life can be challenging.  Yet, if you’re going to be operating out of integrity, then you must be diligent in pursing personal growth.  Ah, this can be a bit “touchy-feely” for many high powered left-brain dominant professionals, but I think it is a valuable pursuit.  After all, the ideal state of functioning includes whole brain integration, where you have easy access to your analytical skills and your creative emotional insights.

It’s all about having choices.  When we are in reaction mode, we aren’t choosing.  If you find yourself succumbing to “road rage” for example, as was mentioned in our call, then you really aren’t in a position to choose a different response.  You are reacting in relation to your primitive reflexes, and possibly some emotional contagion (See Daniel Goleman’s new book Social Intelligence, for more on this topic).  Unfortunately, all that cortisol—stress hormone—coursing through your system is not beneficial to your health.

So what do we need?  We need to have inner resources at our disposal.  When we are stocked up on our resources (like having a full gas tank), we have the ability to choose a response instead of merely reacting.  Our inner resources relate to our BASIC physical and psychological/emotional NEEDS.  Sometimes our primitive reflexes become ingrained as conditioned responses as adults and we wonder why in the world we “over-reacted” in a particular situation.  It can be true that your resources are fully available to you, yet your “knee-jerk” reaction is more powerful.  There are ways to re-set the baseline, so-to-speak, if this is what you discover in your own life.  The work of Dr. David Mumm deals with this element quite effectively.

At this point, you might be wondering which resources are low in your life.  Check the basics out: Food, sleep, health, etc.  Oftentimes you simply need to pull back on the adrenaline lifestyle to re-stock.  Many of us are addicted to adrenaline.. Once you’ve checked that your personal physical resources aren’t depleted then check your environmental resources.

• Are you surrounded by people that believe in what you are doing?
• Do you have enough support in your life?
• Do you have personal relationship tension with a significant person in your life?
• Are your time and energy drained by tasks better done by a support person?
• Are you energized and focused in your work space?
• Are you feeling strong emotions such as overwhelm or anxiety?

We see that there are many areas in our lives to explore in regards to having abundant resources.  Pay attention to the signs.  Notice your re-actions.  After all, road-rage or any other such response shows we are running on empty somewhere in our lives.

Our resources or lack there of definitely signal to who we are being in that moment.  We all desire consistency and integrity in who we are as professionals, but people like counselors, pastors, inspirational writers and mediators can especially become derailed in this area.

Here are some questions to consider as you continue to evolve into who you are becoming (Reminder:  this process continues until we die—nobody “arrives” and that’s it!)

As Keith J. Cunningham  states, “The question is not what to do, it is who do I want to be?”

• Who do I want to create?
• What do I want to create?
• Who do I need to be to accomplish this?
• What skills do I need?
• Who can hold me accountable to reach my goals?
• What commitment am I willing to make to myself to be this person?
• What impact will my actions have on other’s lives?
• What action can I take right now that will be for my highest good?

To Peace!

Michelle